I’m 37 now. And as I inch toward 40, I’ve started noticing a quiet shift in what I no longer feel the need to prove. I wrote bits of this on my way to Bengaluru after visiting my in-laws and parents who aren't keeping well. Naturally, this post is more philosophical.

1. You can stop trying to impress people who aren’t paying attention

You spend years performing only to realise the people you were doing it for were never really watching. And even if they were, they weren’t thinking what you thought they were. Everyone’s too busy with their own shit. The moment I started choosing what genuinely felt right and not what would look “sorted” or "sorted," something shifted. There’s freedom in knowing you can opt out of the performance. Most people won’t notice either way. And that’s the point.

2. There is no “track”

We grew up thinking there’s some invisible path you’re supposed to stay on. Job by 22, marriage by 30, kids by 32, house by 35. But I’ve seen people hit every milestone and still feel lost. The checklist is made up. What matters is whether your life actually feels like yours when you wake up each day. If it doesn’t, what’s the point of being “on track”?

3. You don’t have to monetise everything you do

I’ve had to actively unlearn this. Every time I picked up something new, the next thought was: can I turn this into content? Can this be a side income? It’s exhausting. Some things like music, writing, doodling on my notebook deserve to just exist. Not everything needs to be a project. Not everything needs to scale. Some things are allowed to just make you feel human again.

4. Friendships don’t need to be lifelong to be real

This one stung for years. I thought any friendship that faded meant I messed up. But some people were only meant to walk with you for a bit. I’ve had beautiful, hilarious, deep connections that just… dissolved. No fight, no fallout. Just life moving. Doesn’t make them fake. Doesn’t make me cold. Letting go is a form of grace too.

5. Being “busy” is not proof you matter

It’s easier to stay in motion than to sit with yourself. Meaning doesn’t come from how packed your day is. It comes from whether you actually liked how you spent it. Protect your time the same way you protect your energy. I look at my calendar and feel relief when it’s empty. I’m not trying to prove anything. If my day feels spacious and I liked how I spent it, that’s enough.

6. Everyone is improvising, even the confident ones.

The calmest people in the room often have private fears, hidden regrets, unanswered questions. The only difference is they’ve stopped expecting to “arrive” at certainty. They’re also figuring it out in real-time. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. Some are just better at hiding it. That changed how I enter rooms now. Less pressure to perform, more curiosity to connect.

7. You can grieve someone who’s still alive

When a friend drifts or a relationship fizzles without explanation, it leaves a strange ache. It’s not dramatic enough for closure, but still heavy. This grief is real. You’re not weak for feeling it. Let yourself miss them without reaching out again. Some bonds complete their purpose without confrontation. There’s no ritual for this. No clean ending. It’s just a slow quiet fade. And that’s its own kind of mourning.

8. Rest is not just the absence of effort

Rest isn’t only sleep or vacations. It’s time when you stop performing, stop explaining, stop trying to be useful. Rest is when you return to yourself. Reading quietly. Sitting in a room alone without your phone. Saying no without guilt. Learning to rest is learning to trust that your worth doesn’t depend on how much you do.

9. You don’t have to defend what brings you joy

I have phases where I play the same track on loop for weeks. Or wear the same black t-shirt four days in a row. Or rewatch the same film that only I seem to like. Earlier, I used to explain it, almost apologetically. Now I don’t. If something grounds me, I don’t owe anyone an explanation for why it works.

10. Not everyone will understand your choices and that’s okay

You’ll be misread. Misquoted. Misunderstood. Sometimes by people you care about. I used to explain everything. Try to “clear it up.” Now I just let it be. If they want to know, they’ll ask. If they don’t, that tells you something too. You don’t need to be legible to everyone to be aligned with yourself.

11. Aging is not decline but a new pace

My knees sound different. Energy drops in weird situations. You might not bounce back the way you used to. But now you know your limits. I don’t recover like I used to. Food hits different. Sleep gets interrupted. I say no often. I used to ignore all of it to push through, work late, skip breakfast, sit for hours. Not anymore. I work out regularly to stay fit. I want to feel strong. I want to know my body, not avoid it.

12. Simplicity is a kind of success

When you stop needing to prove something, you start wanting different things. Mornings without stress. Conversations that actually go somewhere. Work that doesn’t drain you. Clothes you actually wear. A home that feels like your nervous system can breathe. At 37, that feels like the point.